Masked in Silver
by DianaHewie
Summary: Furiae's perspective of the moments leading up to her death/suicide.


_To walk with you would be the same as sending you on the scenic route to the gates of Hell. I'm not what you see and I'm not who you think I am. I'm something very different. I'm dangerous and I can never be what you want me to be._

_ Please. Don't think that I don't care; I do. I truly do. But this is the burden. My burden. It's what I don't want to drag you into. You don't deserve that. You don't and neither does my brother and I'm sorry for putting everyone through this. I hate all of this._

_ Yet, no matter what I do, not matter how cold I am to you, you always come back to me. You never leave my side. I'm not sure if I should be frustrated or be grateful of such loyalty. I don't like having so many eyes watching me all the time. But then, I couldn't imagine it any different. I adore how kind everyone is to me. Yet, I hate myself because of it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve your love either…_

All of this was happening because of me and now that was here at the Empire's mercy, it had allowed me far too much time to think about it all. It hadn't occurred to me until now that all of this was truly my fault.

"Inuart, please. You must leave," I said.

He broke his eyes away from Caim's and looked at me. His expression changed from challenging to hurt. I was certain he was going to object but instead, he looked at Caim one last time and left the room.

My body felt weak. The Priestess, standing not far away, was taking her toll on me. I could feel it not only in my mind, but in each of my limbs, my stomach, my heart—it was everywhere. It was such a heavy feeling, pushing against my emotions. In a way, it hurt. I looked at my brother and forced myself to smile.

"The Watchers do not laugh. The Watchers must not wake."

The Priestess Manah stepped out from behind the pillar. Her hands were behind her back and she looked just like the child that she was, up to no good. She giggled and titled her head from side to side.

A sharp pain hooked into my back and pulled me backwards. I was pinned against the pillar with no energy of my own. I couldn't fight back; I couldn't pull away.

Manah stood in front of me. Her red eyes were wide, as if she was enjoying herself.

"Lalalalala…lalalalala…I'm a good girl. I'm a really good girl," she smiled.

"Let go of me." Even a few words were difficult for me to say. I felt the pressure in my chest and it had grabbed my heart and was tightening its grip.

I managed to turn my head. It pained me to see Caim only stand there. He wasn't doing anything. Not trying to stop her, not trying to free me. He did nothing. But what could he really do? He seemed just as clueless as I was but that didn't change my disappointment.

Manah took a step closer. I wished to back away. No, I wanted to run away.

"What's this?" she said, leaning closer towards me. "Secrets?"

"No…please, don't…"

Her mouth spread into a grin. She had me. She had found my weak points. Her eyes gleamed, as if she was thinking over all the things she could do. All the things she could ruin. I had never seen a child like this one. Could children be so cruel?

"I don't want to be a Goddess. I never should have been a Goddess. I admit it! I wish to step down."

"Stop it…"

"He isn't the one I want! Why does he follow me like a dog? Can't he see I don't want him?"

Cold fear rose in my chest. She could see into my mind. She could see my thoughts, my fears, my desires…

"Why won't you listen to me? Why don't you care about me? Please, brother. Just stay with me. Love me. Protect me."

"Please!"

"Don't you understand? It's you I want. I want you to hold me."

The force that held me back released its grip. I pushed myself away from the wall and stared down at the Priestess; her eyes were bright.

"I see everything. Into your heart and your mind," she said.

I turned my face away from her and away from Caim. I couldn't stand to look at anyone. The harsh realization of what she had done was sinking into my mind. I was drowning in shame.

"So, you failed. Now what will you do?"

Manah seemed eager, smiling at me, awaiting my next move. I looked at Caim. I had hoped he could give me guidance, or acceptance, or restore my willpower. Instead, he looked away from me, as ashamed as I was.

Disgust. I disgusted him.

The feeling of being rejected felt I had fallen into the ocean and the waves kept pushing me under, to where I couldn't breathe. I suddenly felt alone, as if no one wanted me. Even though I knew I should have hated the child, I hated myself more. I felt desperate. I wanted to get away. I didn't want them watching me anymore.

I rested a hand against the pillar for balance and looked around, hoping I could find a quick escape. The exit was too far. She would have caught me again by then.

My eyes rested on the items strewn across the nearby bed, on the small silver dagger. That was my escape.

I lunged for it and ripped it out, holding it above my chest. I ignored Manah, and looked at Caim one last time.

_I'm sorry. I have to now._

I felt numb as the droplets of blood fell to the castle's floor. I no longer had any balance and fell against the pillar. When I looked at my brother again, I saw more pain and worry than I had seen on his face in a long time. All these years, he'd only shown anger and hatred and now, as I looked at him, though the image had become blurry, I could see sadness.

"Don't look…at me."

The haze faded to black.


End file.
